Inspiration Boulevard

 MATTHEW STEPHEN BROMLEY

THE SONSHINE BOY

by

 Samuel E. Bromley, Jr.

The year was 1986 and Matthew Stephen was the smallest baby ever born at Fort Rucker, Alabama. One Aviator’s experience at the U. S. Army Initial Entry Rotary-Wing Aviator Course, Class 86-1.

PREFACE

Our story is a long and difficult one to share.  The purpose of this short story is to provide a brief overview of our experience.  We do not want to get into all the details and medical terms to distract from the main focus.

Our desire is to share with each reader the importance of assisting those going through a traumatic experience such as ours.  Most Marriages do not survive the loss of a Child.  Looking back, it is hard to believe our Marriage survived the years that followed our Son’s death.

A Couple going through similar circumstances must understand the destructive power of such an experience.  They must surround themselves with Friends and Loved Ones to provide a network of support, KNOWLEDGE IS POWER!  The sooner the Couple takes preemptive measures, the more likely their Marriage will survive.

THE SONSHINE BOY

The sun would rise and shine through the windows brightly every morning.  Matthew Stephen’s bed was the first to receive the early morning rays.  The Nurses of the University of Alabama’s Regional Newborn Intensive Care Unit called our son the Sunshine Boy.  The U of A RNICU of Birmingham, Alabama was the temporary and only resident of our beloved Matthew.

My name is Sam Bromley, Jr. and my wife Christa and I, with our two year old son Samuel, moved to Enterprise, Alabama so I could attend the United States Army Initial Rotary-Wing Aviator Course at Fort Rucker, southeast L.A. (Lower Alabama).  It was an awesome and exciting time.  Shortly after our arrival in September 1985 we learned we would be blessed with another Child in the late summer of 1986.

When we arrived at Fort Rucker there was a waiting list for housing on the Post.  We needed to find temporary housing and we found an apartment in Enterprise.  It was a nice apartment but we really wanted to be closer to the Flight School.  Later we were very fortunate to find our name at the top of the list for Post housing.  In early March 1986 we moved into Permanent Housing at 182 South Harris, Fort Rucker, Alabama.

It was during this move Christa began having difficulties with the pregnancy.  We had professional movers do all the work but there is always stress in a move.  Christa began to lose fluid through a small tear in the amniotic sack.  I believe, if not for the cervical cerclage, a procedure done in or before the third month to prevent premature births, she would have had a miscarriage.  The cervical cerclage assisted in keeping the baby in place.

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Learning to fly helicopters in the U. S. Army is a very stressful yet exciting experience.  I was well under way with my flight training when Christa was hospitalized.  I requested time off to be with Christa, but my Company Commander felt I should remain active in Flight School.  He said that babies are born at Fort Rucker all the time.  He refused to recognize any special circumstances in our case.

My Instructor Pilot, a civilian, became very angry at the thought of a Flight Student flying under such stress.  He took it upon himself to have me removed from actively flying by failing me.  I began to receive pink slips daily even though my flying was sufficient.  My Instructor Pilot was going to have me ‘washed out’ of Flight School.

I was between a rock and a hard place.  I was a member of the Texas Army National Guard and was not full-time military.  I was on Active Duty only for the purpose of attending Flight School.  My fear was the pink slips would cancel my orders and I would be sent back home to Texas with no full-time employment and no medical insurance.  What about Christa’s condition? What about the medical expenses if I were sent home?  What about my career as an Army Aviator?  And why wouldn’t my Company Commander allow a temporary grounding for these special circumstances?

My only option was to request a Flight Instructor Change!  I was reluctant because I was told it was rarely done and I was fearful to draw any attention to myself as a trouble maker.  However, it was the correct decision because my grades soared and I continued on with my Flight Training. 

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Years later I was introduced to a Stress Test that measured your life experiences on a scale to show how stress affected your abilities at work.  A normal score, the best I can recall, was 40 to 50.  The Instructor cautioned that if you were at 90 or above, you should immediately request a session with the Flight Surgeon to get a voluntary grounding from flying.

I took the exam as if I were back in 1986 during our traumatic experience.  I scored above 400 and was accused of cheating on the test.  I shared our experience in detail with my Instructor and he commented it was a miracle we were still sane!

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Two weeks into the hospitalization, Christa went into labor and gave birth to Matthew Stephen Bromley at one pound and seven ounces.  The Doctor was shocked that Matthew survived the birth and was able to breathe on his own.  He had expected Matthew’s lungs to burst after his first breath.  The two weeks of trauma brought on by the amniotic sack leaking caused Matthew’s lungs to develop early.

Prior to Matthew’s birth, this Doctor paid us a visit to explain what we were to expect if Christa went into labor any time soon.  First, he explained why Matthew would not survive a birth this early.  Then he went on to list numerous scenarios that could happen if he did survive the birth.  He listed about twenty-five scenarios and how individually, each scenario would be more than Matthew’s little body could handle and he would not survive.  And remember, I was still active in Flight School learning how to fly a very complicated rotary-wing aircraft.  I can not explain the horror Christa and I were going through.  The stress was becoming unbearable.

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The Doctor was very upset because the gauge, thickness, of the ventilation tube was too large for Matthew’s small windpipe.  The Doctor knew he must get this in to assist in our son’s breathing.  He struggled for what seemed an eternity until he finally gave up in sheer agony and fear.  This was not only a new experience for Christa and I, this young Doctor had never dealt with a baby so small.

This fear soon changed to disbelief when he discovered Matthew could breathe on his own.  Realizing he was witnessing a miracle, he immediately knew the military facilities at Fort Rucker were not equipped to care for a baby so small.  He contacted the Medical Staff at a hospital in Birmingham, Alabama and one in Pensacola, Florida.

The University of Alabama’s Newborn Intensive Care Unit sent a jet with a staff of eight Doctors and Nurses down to Fort Rucker to pick up Matthew Stephen.  This was a fully equipped medical jet with everything necessary to assist in such an emergency.  To this day, I have never witnessed such a Team of professional and focused Doctors and Nurses.

The landing of this jet at Cairnes Army Airfield, Fort Rucker immediately changed my Flight Status.  The Commanding General of Fort Rucker was now aware of our situation and immediately inquired of my Company Commander as to why I was still required to fly during such a traumatic experience.  I was grounded and placed on Desk Duty.  I was allowed to work only three days and then go on a four day leave (four days off) every weekend so Christa and I could travel and stay in Birmingham, Alabama 165 miles away.

The U. S. Army was overwhelmingly generous from this point on.  Several fund-raisers were done to support us with our expenses during our trips to Birmingham.  It was generosity that still touches our hearts to this day!

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The two weeks prior to Matthew’s birth and the four months that followed still remain a blur.  We felt like everything was in slow motion.  I often wonder how we maintained during this time and I am reminded of the poem:

FOOTPRINTS IN THE SAND

One night I dreamed I was walking along the beach with the Lord.

Many scenes from my life flashed across the sky.

In each scene I noticed footprints in the sand.

Sometimes there were two sets of footprints,

other times there were one set of footprints.

This bothered me because I noticed

That during the low periods of my life,

when I was suffering from

anguish, sorrow or defeat,

I could see only one set of footprints.

So I said to the Lord,

“You promised me Lord,

that if I followed you,

you would walk with me always.

But I have noticed that during the most trying periods of my life

there have only been one set of footprints in the sand.

Why, when I needed you the most, you have not been there for me?”

The Lord replied,

“The times when you have seen only one set of footprints in the sand,

is when I carried you.”

Mary Stevenson

I KNOW it was during this time Christa and I were being carried!  We were truly in the hands of Jesus!

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Matthew Stephen was born March 25, 1986.  This day was filled with unbelievable medical feats.  His condition was considered critical and any attempts at transportation were considered very High Risk.  Matthew survived a very traumatic birth, an ambulance ride to the airfield, a second ambulance ride and finally arriving at the University of Alabama’s RNICU in Birmingham.  During each phase of his transportation, he had to be stabilized before they could move him and continue the trip. The next four months were not any easier for our tiny Son, in fact, there were many days more eventful and challenging than his first day.

Remember my mentioning the twenty-five scenarios our first Doctor shared with us, well, Matthew experienced every one of them and survived each one.  We were told he would not survive any of them so we braced ourselves for the worse over and over and over again.  Several times we were called while at home in Fort Rucker and were told to ‘rush’ to Birmingham.  We were told Matthew would not make the night only to see him fight for survival and win.

We watched in awe as this miniature infant fought to survive again and again only to be faced with new challenges to his survival.  He would survive each scenario but would be faced with a new handicap to live with if he survived to live beyond his stay at the U of A RNICU.  His struggle seemed to never end.  Each time we received one piece of good news, we would get several pieces of bad news.

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There were brighter days during this experience.  Our son Samuel, now at age three, was very popular with the Nurses.  When we

arrived, he would stand at the door of the RNICU with his hands on his hips commanding and demanding ATTENTION by his very presence!  Several Nurses would fight over the opportunity to assist Samuel in scrubbing his little hands and under his fingernails.  Then

this Nurse would take him to each bed and give him an update on each Child.  Samuel had to have his inspection of the little Troopers or he would be very disappointed.  He loved the attention!

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During the four months in Birmingham, we just existed.  We were so lost and alone even though we were surrounded by people.  We were failing as Parents, as Spouses, as Employees, as Friends, we were just NUMB to ourselves and to all others.  We went through the motions, but they were only motions.

Many people are not aware that over 85% of marriages fall apart during and after such an experience.  Many Marriage Counselors are not even aware of this fact because it happens so quickly that the

Couples never attempt counseling.  They are too busy blaming each other for not being supportive, not realizing the pain is equally shared and they have nothing to give each other. Have you ever tried to hold someone up in a swimming pool without going under yourself?  You both struggle and fight to get air!

Also, another little known fact, over 90% of the Fathers change their career within one year, never to return to it.  Subconsciously they relate their Child’s death to their career and desire to make a drastic change in their employment as a means of escaping their experience.  They do not know why they now hate the career they once loved.  While sitting in the hallway entertaining Samuel during those long

hours at the hospital, I would not have believed my exciting career as an Army Officer and Pilot was flying out the window.

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Samuel would get his tour and then we would receive our updated report on how Matthew was doing.  Week after week we learned of new difficulties Matthew would face if and when he was released.  We learned he would have serious eye damage or even be totally blind due to the excessive use of oxygen to keep him alive.

Again and again, after surviving each of the twenty-five scenarios, we learned of yet another difficulty Matthew would face.  He would probably be deaf, would not be able to walk, have serious brain damage and was losing the ability to ever speak.  He lost one-third of his intestines to an emergency surgery due to a bacterial infection and was given a colostomy, an incision into the colon to create an opening or ‘stoma’, to allow waste to pass into a collection pouch.

Matthew developed a yeast infection in his blood and we were told this would kill him.  The use of a drug to kill the infection would kill the infection but the dosage needed would kill a grown man.  A blood clot developed the length of his neck because of the medication used to kill the infection.  An experimental medication was used to dissolve the blood clot but it might break up the clot instead of dissolving it and this would kill him.  Edema, pitting edema, fluid on the brain, experimental eye surgery and so on and so on and so on.

He survived each one of these scenarios and as we watched him fight, we began to believe he might actually make it through all of this.  He was now up to six pounds.  After four months, Matthew was the size of a normal newborn.  We began to believe, even after all he had been through, we were going to take our son home one day.

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We had a very large closet in the hallway we converted into a very cute baby’s room.  This was Matthew’s room.  We prayerfully anticipated his homecoming.  One day Christa was putting items in Matthew’s dresser when, all of the sudden, his porcelain bear fell off the dresser and shattered on the floor.  At this exact moment, Samuel told Christa that Matthew was going to die today.  That afternoon we received a call to rush to Birmingham for yet another time.

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Toward the end, Matthew began having seizures.  What finally killed our son was not any of the twenty-five scenarios we were warned about.  I am sure they all played a part but it was by his hand that brought his short life to an end.  He pulled one of his taped hands loose and pulled out his breathing tube.  The medical staff was not able to get the tube back in soon enough and he suffered severe brain damage.  Matthew struggled for the next two weeks and finally died on July 31, 1986.

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We were on our way from Fort Rucker when the end came and arrived shortly afterwards.  We were escorted to a special room and one of the Nurses brought Matthew to us.  We were able to hold him for the first time without the IVs, breathing tube and monitor wires.  It was a very bitter-sweet moment.  We felt peace and sadness, pain and release.

We were asked to make a very difficult decision.  We were given a very short time to make this decision since this procedure must be done immediately.  There had been experimental attempts to save Matthew’s eyesight and the techniques used were new and the Doctors needed research data.

This experiment was actually working and Matthew’s eyesight was recovering before he left us.  The decision we were to make, without much time, was to donate Matthew’s eyes to this research.  We were reluctant at first, but we decided to donate his eyes.

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Now, I must jump forward seven years to share an experience I had.  I was standing in a Wal-Mart representing a former Disney Director and his Animated Children’s videos when a man came to purchase these videos.  After the purchase was made, I noticed his clothing and asked if he were a Nurse or a Doctor.  He told me he was a surgeon that worked with Infant’s eyesight.  I then asked him if he was familiar with Retinopathy of Prematurity, the blindness caused by the excessive use of oxygen needed in saving the lives of premature babies and he was amazed that I knew such a term.  I shared with him our experience and afterwards he asked me my son’s name.  As I said Matthew Stephen Bromley, he took a step back.  He shared with me the research used during Medical School and the very foundation of all he knew about saving Infant’s eyesight was based partly on the research of Matthew’s donated eyes.  I openly wept.  This was the first time I felt a purpose to Matthew’s short life.

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Now back to 1986.  The U. S. Army allowed us a thirty day leave for Matthew’s funeral.  We buried him in Aransas Pass, Texas.  We then returned to Fort Rucker where I re-entered Flight School.  It wasn’t long though, mid-November, I found myself in the Flight Surgeon’s office requesting a voluntary grounding.

The official term, after several evaluations and psychological tests, was Unresolved Grief.  I was put on Temporary Leave and placed on a waiting list for the next available slot for Flight School.  The following week we had a four day holiday due to Thanksgiving.  We got out of Fort Rucker as fast as we could.

We went straight for the mountains.  Our trip to the Smokey Mountains was just what we needed.  The beautiful countryside was an escape we still talk about today.  We also stopped and visited the U of A RNICU and experienced something special with the Nurses and Doctors.  I will share more of this shortly.

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We returned to Fort Rucker and I finished Flight School with no more interruptions.  It seemed for awhile like the storm was finally over.  We soon found out the storm was to continue.  Without the details, everything, I mean everything that could cause a divorce in a marriage, we experienced the following years.

It was only because of a brief encounter with the Nurses and Doctors in Birmingham during our Smokey Mountain trip did our marriage survive.  This encounter did not make sense to me until years later.  It was the REVELATION of this encounter that saved our marriage. 

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About four months after Matthew’s death, on our way back from the Smokey Mountains, we returned to Birmingham to purchase an oak rocking chair and donate it to the Nursery on Matthew’s unit at the U of A RNICU.  We donated this chair in Matthew’s memory and we attached an inscription which read:

MATTHEW STEPHEN BROMLEY

“LET YOUR LIGHT SO SHINE”

THE SONSHINE BOY

MATTHEW 5:16

The U of A RNICU and staff had become like a second home and family to us.  We wanted to give something to them that would honor them and our beloved Matthew.

When we stepped off the elevator, we were greeted with something I had never witnessed the four months we were there.  The Nurses came running.  The Doctors came running.  You could hear echoes down the hall; “The Bromleys are here!  The Bromleys are here!”  We were greeted with tears and hugs.  It was a welcome that was overwhelming.

Now, we saw dozens and dozens of Couples come and go during our four months with Matthew.  Many of these Couples returned to visit after their experience.  I never saw a reaction to their visit like the one Christa and I experienced.

I asked why we were receiving such a reunion and was informed that all those Couples that we saw come and go after their experience, were the Parents of surviving infants.  The Hospital Staff had never seen the Parents of a deceased infant return for a visit.

It wasn’t until years later, after many marital struggles, I understood this REVELATION.  Most marriages, that lose a Child, fall apart almost immediately.  They never make it to a Pastor or a Counselor.  Anger, blame, and the feeling of hopelessness overwhelm the Parents going through an experience such as ours.

Our story of Matthew is not that rare.  What is rare is the survival of our Marriage.  The reason we want to share this story is to make people aware of what such trauma can do to a Marriage.  Knowledge is power and being aware of what is to come can help save the Marriage!

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Now imagine, you are in a limited addition Lincoln Navigator and you are traveling down a new eight lane freeway.  You are cruising along at about 70 miles per hour with smiles on both your faces as you enjoy this smooth and peaceful experience.  All of a sudden, the freeway comes to an abrupt end and you find yourself on a very narrow dirt road.  There are no warning signs!  And there was nothing on the map!  There are potholes and large rocks all over the place.  You hit dozens before you even have time to control your vehicle.  You are very lucky you didn’t run off the road.  Once you finally stop, you have received serious damage to your Lincoln.  Some damage is irreversible. The frame is even bent and you might have to consider having it totaled.

Now again, imagine, the Lincoln is your Marriage, the Freeway is Life and the dirt road is a tragedy like Christa and I experienced.   The four months we went through with Matthew and the years of marital struggles we experienced were just like the scenario above.  It was overwhelmingly rough and there was a lot of damage done to our Marriage.  Far too many marriages are totally destroyed!

I shared this story with a young lady friend of mine that went through a tragic loss of her baby and she looked at me as if she were in shock and said; “I wish I had known about the rough road ahead beforehand.  I would have traveled down that road differently.  I would not have struggled the way I did.  I didn’t know others experienced what I had.  They could have been my guide!”

That is the purpose of this short story about our son Matthew Stephen, The Sonshine Boy!  It is to raise awareness to all that read it. Whether you or someone you know goes through this kind of experience, it is good to know:

1)    there is a rough road ahead,

2)    there needs to be warning signs, knowing of the hazards is the first step to surviving the trip,

3)    seeing and identifying the bumps and potholes will assist in avoiding injury and damage,

4)    having a roadmap or even a Guide to navigate will assist and help prevent getting lost along the way and

5)    most important, before you went down the dirt road, you had a Companion you loved dearly!

Knowing about the rough road ahead in advance WILL allow your Love to continue on Happier roads in the future!

If you are currently in or were in a traumatic experience, seek support immediately.  You may not feel or even be aware of the impending difficulties ahead of you.  Again, awareness is the key!

If you know someone going through a similar experience, do everything in your power to assist in any way.  They may not be aware of future difficulties and may resist your intervention.  You may only be able to assist through prayer.  JUST DO IT!  Make sure their Pastor, Relatives and Friends are aware of their situation.

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Our dream is to create a Foundation in memory of Matthew Stephen to provide and support a home with a Counselor at each of the four Regional Newborn Intensive Care Units in America.  A place these Couples can stay and receive counseling while their Child is in the hospital.  KNOWLEDGE IS POWER!  Eliminating Marital Problems Before They Occur!  SAVING MARRIAGES IS OUR GOAL!

We also want to support and assist in any way, the JOY MINISTRY!   This is a ministry at Graceview Baptist Church in Tomball, Texas.  A ministry that provides Parents, of convalescent Children, assistance and special needs child care while they attend Sunday School, Church Services and even a night out.  A Husband and Wife on a date is something many of us take for granted.  These Parents rarely, if at all, have the opportunity to attend Church or go on an evening out since the birth of their Child.

The Child’s needs are too demanding and the average Church Nursery is not equipped or staffed to assist with these special needs.  The JOY MINISTRY was created for that very purpose. 

Christa and I are especially touched by this ministry because of our experience with Matthew.  If he had survived his ordeal at the U of A RNICU, he would have been one of these special needs Children.  I see what these Couples are going through and my heart aches for two reasons.  The struggle they are going through is a very difficult burden to bear and secondly, the blessings they are experiencing.  I MISS MY MATTHEW!  We do Praise God for the time we had and the lessons learned.

I must acknowledge, because of our son Samuel, we also lost our son Timothy.  Every time we speak of Matthew, Samuel quickly reminds us that we should speak of Timothy also.  Timothy would have been Samuel’s big brother by one year.  We lost him for the same reason we lost Matthew, a premature birth.  His lungs were not developed enough at birth and he died after his first attempt to breathe.

Christa and I were very young when we had Timothy.  He was conceived shortly after we were married.  His birth and death happened so fast, we did not have the four month experience we had with Matthew.  Yes, we also miss Timothy and truly wish he were here.

I would also be amiss if I did not share with you the blessing we had with the birth of our fourth son Carl Jacob.  Doctors that have reviewed Christa’s medical records tell us that Samuel Joseph and Carl Jacob are miracle babies.  The loss of Timothy and Matthew should have been the same for Samuel and Carl.  We are blessed to have our GIFTS from GOD!  If we allowed the deaths of Timothy and Matthew to destroy our marriage, we would not have the BLESSINGS of Samuel and Carl!

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If you would like to contact us about your experience or if you have any questions, please contact Sam & Christa Bromley at:  sebnest@yahoo.com .  We would love to hear from you!

I would like to make a special request.  A small donation would assist us in setting up our Foundation.  If you wish to help us, please send your donation to:  Sam & Christa Bromley,  9115 Sandstone Falls,  Tomball, Texas   77375.  Make your check or money order out to:  Mathew Stephen Bromley.  Any gift, no matter how small, would be greatly appreciated.